The world of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), often referred to as Mormonism, is known for its stringent moral guidelines, emphasis on family values, and an insular culture that fosters a unique way of life. But with the release of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu, a new light has been shed on the complexities, contradictions, and controversies that often bubble beneath the surface of this tightly knit community. From “soft swinging” scandals to unexpected habits like soda obsession and ketamine therapy, this reality show has captivated audiences while sparking heated debates about faith, culture, and modernity.

The Premise of the Show

Premiering on Hulu in September 2024, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is an eight-episode series that follows a group of Mormon social media influencers navigating personal and professional lives in the aftermath of a scandal. At the center of the controversy is Taylor Frankie Paul, a popular TikTok creator who admitted to participating in “soft swinging” with her husband, Tate Paul, and other Mormon couples. The show explores the fallout from her revelation, the dynamics of her circle of friends, and the ways the women reconcile their faith with their unconventional choices.

What is “Soft Swinging”?

The term “soft swinging” caught the attention of many viewers unfamiliar with the practice. In traditional swinging, couples consensually engage in sexual activities with others, often in group settings or private arrangements. Soft swinging, however, refers to engaging in intimate activities short of full intercourse, often with the consent and presence of one’s partner.

Taylor explained the concept on TikTok, describing how the couples involved agreed to “do anything” except “go all the way.” For some Mormons, this was seen as a “loophole” that allowed them to engage in behavior that might otherwise conflict with the church’s teachings on fidelity and sexual purity. However, as Alyssa Grenfell, a former Mormon, pointed out, these arrangements often spiral into jealousy, emotional chaos, and ultimately divorce.

Faith, Rules, and Loopholes

Mormon culture is deeply rooted in strict behavioral guidelines. Members are expected to follow the Word of Wisdom, a health code that prohibits alcohol, tobacco, coffee, and tea while encouraging moderation in all things. Premarital sex, infidelity, and divorce are also heavily stigmatized within the church. For many of the women featured in The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, these rules shaped their upbringing and adult lives.

However, some Mormons find ways to reconcile their faith with their desires. Practices like “soaking,” where individuals engage in sexual penetration without movement to technically avoid intercourse, have been cited as examples of “Mormon loopholes.” Similarly, the concept of soft swinging appears to be another attempt to navigate the tension between church doctrine and personal fulfillment.

Alyssa Grenfell described the psychology behind these behaviors: “In a Mormon context of following so many rules your whole life, coming up with these loopholes allows you to engage in enough cognitive dissonance to enjoy your lifestyle without feeling like you need to leave the church.”

The Fallout from the Scandal

The revelations of soft swinging sent shockwaves through the tight-knit Mormon influencer community, often referred to as “MomTok.” Taylor Frankie Paul’s admission not only led to her divorce from Tate Paul but also exposed fractures within her friend group. The series captures the emotional toll of the scandal, as well as the ways the women attempt to rebuild their lives and relationships.

For some cast members, the scandal was a wake-up call. It prompted them to question the rigid structures of their faith and the societal expectations placed upon them as Mormon women. Others, however, saw it as an opportunity for growth and self-expression, using social media to share their experiences and connect with others who felt similarly trapped by the church’s expectations.

Beyond the Scandal: Unconventional Mormon Practices

While soft swinging has dominated headlines, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives also highlights other surprising aspects of Mormon life that challenge traditional perceptions of the faith.

1. Soda as a Vice

Mormons are prohibited from consuming coffee or tea, which has led to the rise of soda as an alternative indulgence. Soda shops like Swig and Sodalicious, which serve “dirty sodas” mixed with flavored syrups and creamers, have become cultural staples in Utah.

One cast member, Demi Engemann, revealed her elaborate soda order: sparkling water with sugar-free coconut, vanilla, raspberry, and pineapple syrups topped with coconut cream. The obsession with soda has amused and baffled viewers, with some calling it the “Mormon version of coffee addiction.”

2. Botox and Laughing Gas

Despite the church’s emphasis on modesty and purity, cosmetic enhancements have become commonplace among some Mormon women. The series shows cast members undergoing Botox treatments while using laughing gas to ease the pain. This revelation sparked debates about the intersection of faith and vanity, with critics questioning whether these practices align with the church’s values.

3. Ketamine Therapy

One of the more unexpected revelations from the show is the use of ketamine therapy by Demi Engemann and her husband, Brett, to strengthen their marriage. Ketamine, a substance often used for medical and therapeutic purposes, has gained popularity for its potential to treat mental health conditions. For the Engemanns, it’s a way to deepen their bond and address underlying issues.

Cultural and Religious Tensions

The show also sheds light on the broader cultural and religious tensions within Mormonism. Many cast members spoke about the pressure to conform to traditional gender roles, including becoming wives and mothers at a young age. Layla Taylor, for example, expressed frustration with being raised to “serve their every desire” and found freedom in sharing her life on TikTok.

Others grappled with the consequences of deviating from church teachings. Whitney Leavitt revealed her husband’s struggle with porn addiction and emotional infidelity, while Taylor’s decision to have a child out of wedlock sparked criticism from her family and community. These stories illustrate the challenges of navigating faith, modernity, and individuality within a conservative framework.

The Impact of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

The show has sparked widespread conversation about Mormon culture, bringing previously hidden practices and struggles to light. For many viewers, it has been an eye-opening exploration of the complexities of a religion often shrouded in mystery. For others, it has been a source of controversy, with some Mormons criticizing the series for portraying their faith in a negative light.

Nevertheless, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has succeeded in challenging stereotypes and sparking meaningful dialogue about faith, identity, and the pursuit of happiness. It is a reminder that even within tightly controlled environments, individuals will find ways to assert their autonomy and rewrite their stories.