Let’s talk about a frustrating, yet all too familiar dynamic: women being expected to “keep up appearances” in relationships while men put in minimal effort.

A recent post by @presidentella on Threads sparked a viral discussion about the entitlement of men who expect their partners to dress up for them—even though they themselves make little effort.

The truth is, people don’t dress up for their partners—they dress up for themselves. But when women stop performing for the male gaze, it suddenly becomes a problem.

America Ferrera’s Barbie Monologue Explains It Best

This issue ties into the impossible double standards of womanhood, which America Ferrera captured so powerfully in Barbie:

“You have to be thin, but not too thin.

You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean.

You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you!”

Women are always judged, no matter what. If they dress up, they’re seeking attention. If they don’t, they’ve let themselves go. If they wear makeup, they’re fake. If they don’t, they’re lazy.

Meanwhile, men get praised for the bare minimum.

The Reality of Dressing Up in Relationships

People online shared real-life experiences that expose how deep this entitlement runs:

“You don’t dress up for me when we go out, so why should I give you that treatment?”
“It would be nice to know it’s a parallel effort. What’s in it for me, to wear tight, scratchy lace and heels that I can’t walk in while you sit there in old trainers and a hoodie?”
“Men should not request a woman wear things they can’t afford to buy for her.”
“I had an ex who bought me Louboutins and got mad when I didn’t wear them—those shoes HURT!”

Translation? No one is obligated to be “on display” just to validate their partner’s ego.

The Entitlement of Expecting Women to Dress Up

This issue isn’t just about clothes. It’s about emotional intelligence, respect, and mutual effort in relationships.

Do you want your partner to look good for you? Make sure you’re doing the same.
Do you miss the way they used to dress up? Ask yourself: Are you still taking them on dates? Still putting in effort?
Do you think they’ve “let themselves go?” Maybe they’re just comfortable—because they trust you to love them for who they are.

No one should feel obligated to constantly perform for their partner. True partnership means mutual appreciation, not just aesthetic expectations.

Final Thoughts: Love Your Partner As They Are

If someone wants to wear heels and red lipstick—great. If they want to rock sneakers and a hoodie—also great. But don’t demand something from your partner that you wouldn’t do yourself. Whatever works for you.