Two Royal Reporters Dissect “With Love, Meghan” – A Comedy of Critics

In this “emergency episode” of Palace Confidential (yes, they actually called it that), Daily Mail royal reporters Rebecca English and Richard Eden gather to analyze Meghan Markle’s new Netflix show “With Love, Meghan” with all the gravity of war correspondents covering an international crisis.

The Lifestyle Show That Caused an “Emergency”

Our intrepid reporters begin by lamenting the excruciating sacrifice they made watching all eight episodes. Richard, who “got up early” at 8am (the horror!), expresses disappointment that despite liking cooking shows, this one was “very, very boring.” Rebecca looks traumatized, claiming she “lost the will to live after the episode about making ice cubes.”

The Crime of Being Relatable

Their primary criticisms center around Meghan filming in a rented house rather than her own, making the show “inauthentic.” They’re particularly bothered that she:

• Harvests vegetables and fruit from someone else’s garden
• Suggests people can grow edible flowers in small London flats (Rebecca: “I can’t even grow fake grass!”)
• Opens a fully-stocked fridge while claiming she doesn’t have anything to feed her guest
• Makes personalized pretzel bags (a truly unforgivable offense)
• Suggests putting Manuka honey in children’s party bags instead of plastic toys
• Remains clean while cooking (Rebecca: “How did she not splash something on her clothes? I am very clumsy”)

The Sussex Name Incident

They obsess over a moment when Meghan corrects Mindy Kaling for calling her “Meghan Markle” instead of “Meghan Sussex.” Richard appears personally wounded by this, launching into a dissertation on aristocratic naming conventions before suggesting this proves Meghan’s hypocrisy about wanting to escape royal life while using royal titles.

Professional Critics Who Don’t Understand the Point

Despite watching all eight episodes, they continuously question what the show even is:

• “It’s not a cookery show, it’s a lifestyle show”
• “If she’s not an expert in cooking, what’s the point?”
• “What is the lifestyle if she doesn’t like baking but is baking for you?”

They seem genuinely confused about the concept of a lifestyle show, despite working for a publication that features them regularly.

Imagining the Royal Family’s Reaction

When asked whether the royal family is watching, Rebecca smugly reports: “I think I can safely say no,” before adding that someone she asked about it went “Oh, when is it? Tuesday?” to demonstrate their complete disinterest. They console themselves that the show’s presumed failure might actually help the royal family by making Harry and Meghan focus on commercial ventures instead of “digging up dirt.”

The Final Verdict

After spending 36 minutes dissecting a show they claim nobody cares about, including making fun of Meghan for everything from her handwriting (which they admit is “beautiful”) to her clothing (which stays clean), they conclude that Netflix will only give the Sussexes another deal if they agree to trash the royal family again, because apparently that’s the only thing that gets ratings.

In a final ironic twist, after spending over half an hour telling viewers how boring and unwatchable the show is, they sign off with “though you may feel after that that we’ve done the work so you don’t have to,” essentially admitting their entire “emergency” episode was dedicated to a show they’re actively discouraging people from watching.

With Love, Meghan is in top 10 in Bahamas, US, Canada, actually worldwide. I’d call that a success!

Two Men Desperately Trying to Care About Meghan Markle’s Netflix Show

In this riveting episode of “Men Who Can’t Let It Go,” Spectator editors William Moore and Alexander Lowman gather to dissect Meghan Markle’s Netflix show “With Love, Meghan” with all the enthusiasm of two food critics reviewing a gas station sandwich.

The Show According to Two Men Who Would Rather Be Anywhere Else

Alexander describes watching the show as being similar to “root canal surgery” – something dreaded that turns out even worse than expected. He seems personally offended by Meghan’s personalized pretzel bags and radish obsession, comparing her to “Uncle Monty” from somewhere or other, because apparently that’s the cultural reference we all needed.

William weakly attempts to suggest maybe the reaction is overblown, but Alexander will have none of it. He’s determined to inform us that EVERYONE hates the show – left wing, right wing, birds, bees, probably aliens too.

The Sussex Financial Crisis That Keeps Them Up at Night

They fret about the Sussexes’ financial future with the gravitas normally reserved for discussing economic collapse. Alexander worries about their “lavish lifestyle” as though he personally has to fund it, speculating about memoirs and lifestyle brands with the deep concern of someone who absolutely, positively doesn’t care at all (but will talk about it for 14 minutes anyway).

From Pretzel Bags to International Diplomacy

After exhausting every possible criticism of Meghan’s pretzel bags and bacon (“my bacon brings all the boys to the yard”), they pivot to discussing King Charles’ diplomatic endeavors with world leaders, but can’t help circling back to how this might affect Harry and Meghan, who have clearly been living rent-free in their minds since 2020.

The conversation ends with Alexander suggesting the monarchy is becoming more political, but we all know what’s really keeping him up at night is whether Meghan’s personalized pretzel bags had the correct font.

In conclusion: Two middle-aged men spent 14 minutes analyzing a Netflix lifestyle show they claim nobody cares about, all while caring so deeply they could probably recite every frame from memory. The irony remains blissfully lost on them.

“The Whole Thing Is FAKE” – Kevin & Alex’s Painfully Self-Defeating Watch Along

In what might be the most spectacular display of lacking self-awareness ever broadcast, commentators Kevin O’Sullivan and Alex Phillips present a “watch along” of Meghan Markle’s Netflix show that perfectly demonstrates why they were never, ever the target audience.

Professional Critics at Work

From their opening moments watching Meghan interact with a beekeeper (whom they mockingly call “John Lennon”), our hosts establish their analytical approach:

• “She’s working in that Wuhan virology lab”
• “That’s why the royal family had to kick her out”
• “She’s swallowed somewhere down her life a massive bucket full of boring pills”

This sophisticated critique continues as they obsess over Meghan transferring Epsom salts between containers (“You need 18 containers just buy a packet of salt”) and making bath tea bags (“That’s why the royal family had to kick her out”).

Culinary Expertise on Display

Our hosts, clearly experienced chefs themselves, offer penetrating insights about Meghan’s cooking skills:

• “That’s bad chopping”
• “She looks like someone who’s never held a spatula in her life”
• “Her only skill is moving things from one vessel to a different vessel”

They’re particularly outraged by her pasta recipe, which one describes as “kids cooking, students cooking” before proudly offering his superior alternative: “Come on around to my place tonight I’ll show you how to make beans on toast.”

The Great Fraudulent House Conspiracy

The pair return repeatedly to their most damning revelation: Meghan isn’t filming in her actual home! “This is the view from the house she rented to make this program!” they exclaim, apparently unaware that virtually every cooking show in existence is filmed on a set.

“This is all fake,” they declare with the gravity of investigators uncovering Watergate.

Becoming What They Hate

The most delicious irony arrives at the end when Kevin offers his “TV critic’s review,” declaring the show “broke new ground in tedium” and “plumbed hitherto unexplored depths of boredom.”

He asks the profound question: “Who on Earth would want to watch 40 minutes of that absolute dull claptrap?” – apparently forgetting that he voluntarily watched 40 minutes of it while recording himself doing so.

The masterpiece concludes with Kevin solemnly declaring that Meghan “has disconnected from the rest of the human race” – a remarkable statement from someone who just spent nearly an hour recording himself watching a lifestyle show he claims to hate, presumably to share online so other people can watch him watching something he insists isn’t worth watching.

In their attempt to criticize Meghan for being “fake,” these two have created perhaps the most authentic portrait of obsessive antagonism ever recorded.