Why I’m writing again
In my last post, I called Vijay Deverakonda’s Koffee With Karan moment cringe. Since then, Rashmika Mandanna has posted a long, heartfelt defense of her husband. I read every slide, and I’d now go further: to me, that moment was a red flag.
Her post explains why she was willing to ask him again and again. But that was never my question. My question is why a man who loves her would tell that story the way he did.
The “100 times”
Karan asked whether there had been a proposal. There wasn’t one. Rashmika had simply told him, “Let’s get married.” As Vijay retold it, his answer was that she would have to ask him 100 times.
Karan, clearly surprised, asked her if that was true. She said she had asked him for an entire year. Vijay followed up with, “I am not an a**hole.”
The studio laughed. I didn’t.
Why it was humiliating
A woman told the man she loved that she wanted to marry him. He made it a count, and she kept asking for a year. Then he told the story on one of India’s biggest talk shows, and her year of asking became the punchline.
The problem isn’t that she asked. Knowing what you want is nothing to be embarrassed about. The problem is that he turned the most important question of her life into a joke at her expense, in front of millions of people.
If a man has to say “I am not an a**hole” while telling a story about his wife, the story has already gone wrong. By his own later admission, as Rediff reported, the line was stupid. But by then, it was the version of their love story the whole country had heard.
“I sleep better, I eat better”
Later, he talked about what life is like with her: he sleeps better, he eats better. Maybe he meant it sweetly. But next to the 100-times story, it landed badly for me. It sounded like a list of what she does for him.
Rashmika isn’t a routine that makes his days run smoother. She’s one of the biggest stars in the country, and she chose him. I wanted to hear about who she is, not what she provides.
The rings
Even the proposal turned into a story about him. He told Karan that proposing just isn’t in him, but he didn’t want her to go without one. He did eventually go down on one knee, in front of their friends.
But before he got there, the conversation turned to the rings. He said photos of rings she had worn for a shoot had been passed off as her engagement rings, and that “it insults me,” because those weren’t rings he would buy. Then he asked for the real ones to be shown, because they were his style.
Listen to where the feeling in that story goes. Not to her moment, or what the proposal meant to her. To his taste, and his irritation at being misrepresented. Viewers noticed too, and many trolled him for making everything about himself.
Her post answers a different question
Rashmika says it was never about the number of times. I agree. It was never about the number. It was about how he told it.
Her post defends her right to ask, and says she’d happily ask a thousand times. But nobody needed her to defend that. Wanting to marry the man you love is beautiful. What I’m questioning is why the man she loves would make her the joke.
She also lists the times he has been there: when she broke a bone, when she was in pain every month, when she woke up at night with anxiety. I’m glad he shows up. But showing up when someone is unwell is something a hired caretaker does too. A husband should do that and also protect her dignity, especially when the whole country is watching.
That list bothers me for another reason. To me, it reads as if a woman can’t get through her hard days without a man. She does add that it’s fine not to want a partner, but the slides about needing him are the ones people will remember. That’s the wrong message from Rashmika, of all people. She built one of the biggest careers in Indian cinema, from Pushpa to Animal, on her own talent and hard work.
She says he wanted time to be sure, and she’s the happiest she’s ever been. I believe her, and I’m glad. She’s also right that tearing apart someone’s family online isn’t feminism. This isn’t about her choices or her family. It’s about what one man said, in public, about the woman he married.
The verdict
Someone who loves you can need time. Someone who loves you can be a thinker while you’re all heart. But someone who loves you doesn’t humiliate you about something this important, especially not on national television.
Rashmika may never have minded asking. That’s her heart, and it’s a generous one. What bothered me is that he took that heart and played it for laughs.
In my last post, I called it cringe. After everything since, I’ll say it plainly: to me, that’s a red flag.
